We’re nearly there now – it’s nearly over. But it’s not quite over yet. This is Part Twelve of fourteen:
The Serpent in the Soul of the Serpent -Morrissey meets Elaine Stritch and they strike up an unlikely but short-lived friendship. Elaine takes Morrissey along when she records an episode of Third Rock from the Sun – Morrissey enjoys himself but they somehow lose contact after the show. Morrissey is invited to a recording of the TV show Friends and they ask him to appear and sing a song with Phoebe in “a really depressing voice” – Morrissey flees the set as quickly as possible. Morrissey is now friends with Nancy Sinatra and she records his song Let Me Kiss You, but unfortunately it only gets to number 46 in the charts. Robbie Williams keeps asking Morrissey to do “something” with him (oo-er, missus, etc etc) but Morrissey’s not interested and refuses to do a duet at the Brit Awards. The papers try to make out that Morrissey is snubbing Robbie (oo-er, missus, etc etc). Morrissey keeps seeing Sarah Ferguson about town and it annoys him a bit – he never entertains the notion that she might be annoyed about seeing him about town: “That bloody Morrissey again!” On the other hand Morrissey loves something called Lypsinka but I don’t know what it is so I can’t comment on that. Morrissey records You Are the Quarry and is well-pleased until Keane pip it to the post and get the number one album spot – but it’s only because they had 7 days of sales to get them there and You Are the Quarry only had 6. Morrissey would have been number one if… woulda, coulda, shoulda… Keane are apologetic and the album hits platinum sales, so it’s all (kind of) alright in the end. The You Are the Quarry tour starts and Alain leaves. He indicates that someone is plotting Morrissey’s downfall – not that hoary old chestnut again! It all ends in tears and recriminations, obviously. Under the Influence ask Morrissey to come up with a list of treasured recordings for a compilation. He wants to include Saturday Night Special by the Sundown Playboys so the label write to the Apple label to seek permission to use it. A chap named Neil Aspinall writes directly to Morrissey to say NO and don’t ask again. But it seems he doesn’t have the rights to it himself and permission is granted from elsewhere. Neil Aspinall dies in 2008 and Morrissey comes to the conclusion that he deserved to die for being so nasty. In 2004 Morrissey is asked to curate the Meltdown Festival. Sacha Distel agrees to be MC but then he dies. Morrissey braves a difficult telephone conversation when he asks David Johansen to do a Dolls reunion for Meltdown. The (remaining) New York Dolls were reunited for Meltdown, for Morrissey, but a month later Arthur Kane died. Morrissey suspects that David Johansen doesn’t really like him. Hmm. Morrissey does Glastonbury and opens his set saying “Don’t OD without me,” whilst somewhere in the audience a boy ODs. Another one bites the dust. Morrissey falls over in the mud after the show. Morrissey gets angry with Attack for censoring him and for all the typos on the record sleeves. Morrissey then takes more than one page of the book to describe the comedy of Victoria Wood. No one else dies. Yet. But it’s only a matter of time as Morrissey’s comment (at a gig in Blackburn) about murderers only getting 6 years in prison for killing a child when the animal protectionists in the Huntington Farm case got prison sentences of 12 years does not go down too well in certain quarters. It’s a fair point but not necessarily well made, as Morrissey’s “beef” doesn’t seem to be with the short sentences for the child killers but with the fact that the animal protectionists got longer. You know he means well, but, but… Morrissey has clearly forgotten about his “commitment” to the Tina lady and all that because he now proclaims that he doesn’t see the point in marriage and that “…I know that life’s biggest prize is to have the day before you as yours alone to do with as you wish.” What a lonely life is the life of Morrissey!